


Them and The

by Silverskye13



Series: Original Works [2]
Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 13:30:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9822743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverskye13/pseuds/Silverskye13
Summary: Mostly just rambling cuz it's late and I'm tired. Wondering about some personal philosophies involving my perceptions of life partners (or the lack thereof) written in the most melodramatic prose you can imagine.You're not missing much if you chose to ignore this one.





	

How had you managed to stay an idealist?

It was a wonder that imaginative whimsy hadn't been stomped out by now - not just by the world but by the ego itself. Idealism wasn't just unrealistic, it was moronic. Look where it'd gone this time.

The evening was nice. Friends. Gatherings. Talking. Some debates about the enormity of the politics of half-celebrities while the odd one muttered word-vomit over homemade pancakes. Somehow that meandered to friendship and kinship and then relationship. You said you'd never wanted apart of it.

Sweet little idealist you say you wish you'd live with friends. That for some reason living alone with one other soulmate wasn't enough for you. You're too jealous of your time to devote it wholeheartedly to a single entity but you'd gladly slit it amongst five or six.

Somehow trading the sex for emotional security isn't idealistic. Somehow they had come to expect that of you. Allow it as some figment of normal. Some even agreed. You said you wanted a friend before a lover and they thought this was fair. You said you were to selfish to date and they'd nodded.

No, what bit you was the threat of aloneness. The vestigial threat your mother had made somehow passing through the silver tongue of the one you'd thought had understood you when you'd spoke it.

"Grand dreams," they said, "For a house of many until they've paired off and left you."

You shrugged at this hoping to brush it off, but another laughed.

"You'll just live in your tiny house with fifty cats."

Oh dear what laughter over spoiled pride.

How'd you manage to stay an idealist?

You couldn't deify a lover so you'd romanced the platonic. You had looked at the world and picked what you'd wanted, because that was all you knew, silly ego. You felt a single partner would be too much commitment so you placed that psuedo-family of friends on a pedestal as if it could be fulfilling, believing dumbly that the rest of the world would turn around your perfection.

But of course they have no dreams to stay with you forever. What idiocy could convince you they would? They still believe in partners while you dream of a fairytale mob. Don't you know the world is destined for change? That any path besides monogamy leads to your abandonment? Did you forget that even your fragile protection was just a cup of water waiting to be disturbed. And it was in the most fundamental of ways, the threatening ripple to remember your place.

You couldn't imagine marriage, did you forget? When they squealed at you and the little girls your age about your dreams you couldn't answer right. So you watched and listened and at some point realized they were waiting on you to name a perfect boy and how you'd bind yourself to him forever. They wanted to know how many kids you'd have and what you'd named them. Eventually you got tired of the weary looks they gave you when you had no answer, so you made one up.

Foolish child.

You have always made up your answers.

Blind idealist. You made a perfect tomorrow on the whims of your fantasized family of friends. Did you forget they existed outside you?

The day you decided you didn't want a singular love, you decided you would be alone.

**Author's Note:**

> You'll have to excuse my rambling bitterness. It's 3:39 am and I had no one to vent to and no way to make this a fanfic.  
> It's a bit too specialized a problem.


End file.
